night out tabulator

Ever since I was a wee boy, I’ve enjoyed creating strange contraptions of little practical use.

At the tender age of 12 I created an air compressor-powered machine gun that fired 100 BBs per second.

Then I started smoking weed and became very proficient at creating homemade bongs.

My tour-de-force was a 6-chamber masterpiece made from Gatorade bottles and mom’s garden hose.

I’ve matured much since then.

Now that I’m in my adult years, my brother and I have plans to recreate this steam-powered dildo from 1869.

We want to make a steam-powered dildo partly because it needs to be done, and partly to channel George Clooney from this scene in Burn After Reading.

Anyway, my latest creation is of digital format and is a calculator for determining the success of a night out.

See, people have a rough idea of what a successful night out looks like…

However, no one I know has taken the time to define the variables that contribute to a solid outing.

I quickly discovered that “success” means different things to different people.

Some want to have fun while still getting good sleep. Some want to meet a life partner. Some just want to get laid.

Whatever the objective is, you should have a way to measure it.

The first step in this project was to determine the variables.

Here’s what I came up with:

1. Fun Score: How much fun did you have? Rated on a scale of 0-5. The more fun you have, the better.

2. Relative $ Spent: How much money did you spend relative to your wealth? Rated on a scale of 0-5. 0 is best, 5 is worst.

3. # Of Drinks: How many drinks did you have? 0-20. The more, the worse.

4. Food Timing: How many hours before bed did you have your last meal? Rated on a scale of 0-3. 0 is worst, 3 is best. Eating right before bed messes up sleep.

5. Hours Past Bedtime: How many hours past your normal bedtime did you go to bed? 0-8. More hours is worse.

6. # Contacts: The number of phone numbers/IGs you got that night. 0-5. The more, the better.

7. Contact Quality: The quality of the contacts you acquired. Entered on a scale of 0-5. The higher, the better.

8. Hookup Level: The level to which you hook up with someone. Rated from 0-3 (third base). This variable can be set to 0 if you're in a relationship/aren't looking for it.

9. Hookup Quality: The quality of your hookup. Rated 0-5.

These are the base variables. You can then adjust the weights of each variable to match the kind of night you’re looking to have.

To make things easier, I created 3 "archetypes" of people who go out:

1. "JUST A HEALTH-OPTIMIZED CHILL GUY"

2. "I WANT TO FIND A WIFE OR BUSINESS PARTNER"

3. “FUCKBOY”

Each archetype has different assigned weights, which are used to calculate the score based on the differing goals of each archetype.

Time to get to the actual calculator…

Walkthrough video HERE.

Access the calculator HERE. (Can't be edited. Click "file -> make a copy" to make a copy for your own use.)

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Access the calculator and watch the overview video

2. Make a copy of the file

3. Experiment with the calculator and adjust the weights to fit your own unique goals.

This is meant to be a POST-MORDOM diagnostic tool, meaning you fill in the values the morning after to see your score.

I have absolutely no clue if this would be of value to anyone. It was just something that had to be made.

If you want, try it and let me know your thoughts.

See you next week 🫡

If you found this post helpful/entertaining or know someone who would, I’d love if you could share it with them and invite them to subscribe:

https://www.entreflaneur.com/p/night-out-tabulator

Cool things I found during my weekly internet stroll.

OpenAI just dropped Tasks for ChatGPT. Pretty sick.

In 1991, one man coded 28 hours straight and created DOOM, revolutionizing gaming and aerospace. Super interesting thread.

A Volvo S80 got stuck on a tiny island and now it’s called Volvo Island.

Served up by Spijker & me.

Kiss of Life | Peace Control, Badbwoy, Kinder

Dance With You (All Night) | Menesix

A Gira | unfazed